Event Teaser: Spring Pandemonium!
Xcentricities Corsets- Saucy in the Southwest
Kinky October
Saucier and SaucierCelebrate Bisexuality Day
Bisexuality is not a new concept, but celebrating it can not only be a political action, it can give you an excuse to have an extra saucy Thursday.
How are you going to celebrate?
Saucier and Saucier
Albuquerque has been blossoming in alternative areas. We support two large BDSM events every year (The New Mexico Leather League’s Spring Pandemonium, and Rio Grande Leather), a myriad of fetish/kink groups, and regular educational offerings. Self Serve is in the midst of “Sinful September: Celebrating Sex, Kink & Leather.” This month so far Self Serve welcomed world class presenter Midori for two sold-out classes, as well as hosting both the Brickhouse Betties, and International Mr. Leather Tyler McCormick. Still to come, author and BDSM icon Jay Wiseman will be teaching two classes at the store- a week from today “Tight Immobilizing Bondage” and Tuesday, “Negotiation as Foreplay” will be offered- both at 7:30pm. It’s a rare opportunity to learn in close quarters from the author of BDSM: 101, The Erotic Bondage Handbook and dozens of additional articles and books. Attend either class for $25, and enjoy a store discount the day of class. Self Serve also has a library of manuals, erotica, guides, adult coloring books and more to help you celebrate Banned Books Week at the end of the month. We’re really stepping it up as a southwest hot spot, help keep support this great energy.
Saucier and Saucier
Sex Happens
Hi Julian,
I read once in the Alibi that polyamorists are too busy to actually have sex, so I haven’t even broached the subject with my wife. I mean, what’s the point?
-SD
I read once in the Alibi that polyamorists are too busy to actually have sex, so I haven’t even broached the subject with my wife. I mean, what’s the point?
-SD
SD,
I am very familiar with the article. To quote “Both separately tell a joke, the gist of which is that polyamorous people are often so busy communicating and learning about themselves, they never get around to getting it on.” This is, in fact, a well known joke in the poly community, which is why both interviewees shared it with the journalist. The fact of the matter is that it is a humorous exaggeration, an “in joke” for those who have walked the poly walk.
Every serious relationship has times where you need to talk things out, but like most relationships when you don’t have the time to have fun as well the relationship doesn’t usually last. Communication is vital for successful polyamorous relationships, just as communication is vital for any successful relationship, be it business or pleasure.
It’s true, when you are involved with more than one person, you spend that much more time talking, but you also have the potential to reap great benefits.
If you’re interested in polyamory, do some research and see what it’s all about. If you’re still interested, broach the subject with your wife.
I can speak from both personal and professional experience that sex can definitely happen within poly relationships.
While I am fairly sure that your initials “SD” don’t sound for “Serious Dude” I must say, don’t take jokes so seriously dude. Whether or not you decide to take steps in opening up your relationship, thanks for asking. It’s always a pleasure to clarify misunderstandings.
If you do decide to take steps towards opening your relationship and need some more advice, please feel free to write back, Carnal Conundrums is here for you.
Enjoy yourself,
Julian
Dear Julian,
I’m in an on-going long distance relationship and had the pleasure of having my boyfriend back home for a few weeks. I was so excited! But after our first sexual experience my vagina was sore and I never fully recovered. I hope to be better prepared when we see each other again, maybe I was just out of practice? I don’t know. So my question to you is what can make us ladies become sore after sex, and is there anything we can do about it?
Thanks!
Sore and stubborn
I’m in an on-going long distance relationship and had the pleasure of having my boyfriend back home for a few weeks. I was so excited! But after our first sexual experience my vagina was sore and I never fully recovered. I hope to be better prepared when we see each other again, maybe I was just out of practice? I don’t know. So my question to you is what can make us ladies become sore after sex, and is there anything we can do about it?
Thanks!
Sore and stubborn
Dear Sore,
There are myriad reasons that sex can make one sore. You might be using the wrong lube, you might need more foreplay and/or there might be medical issues
Lube comes in many varieties, and not all are body-safe. Some lubes have sugars which feed your natural flour and fauna and can cause yeast infections among other things, some have weird chemicals that can cause negative reactions, and you might have an allergy to any number of ingredients in any number of lubes. I always recommend stopping by Self Serve in Nob Hill where you can have an actual conversation with one of the sex educators there. They know which lubes are good for what (not all lubes go with all body parts or toys) and go out of their way to carry body-safe products. They can also lend some suggestions for foreplay and other ways to get you physically ready for physicality.
There are lots of physiological things that could be going on, including infection. Finding out now, whether there’s medial issue or not, is the safest way to go. Make an appointment with your medical practitioner (OBGYN specialist if available) and have them check you out.
Once you rule out any physiological issues and you have good accessories, you should be set. If you still experience some soreness, than your guess of being “out of practice” might be dead on. At that point I would suggest that you keep yourself “in practice” while he’s away. The right insertable toy can not only keep you in practice, but it also has the possibility of adding some fantasy play and hopefully even some phone sex into your long distance relationship. Enjoying physical intimacy with a loving partner can be the best thing in the world.
Enjoy yourself,
Julian
Curious about something in that great big sexy world out there? Julian Wolf is here for you. Ask anything below or email Julian directly at advice@julianwolf.net.
No question is too out there.
