Do any women actually like porn? I mean seriously, I can never get my girlfriends to watch porn with me, unless its my birthday or something, and then I get in trouble for looking. I have to hide my porn. What’s the deal?

scared to watch

Sorry to hear that and thank you for asking! Lots of people run up against problems like this, so let’s see what we can do to help.

First of all, it’s really never a good idea to have such gross generalizations- there’s actually nothing that is true or untrue of every woman, but let’s get to the pornographic point. Yes, there are women who like porn. Heck, there are porn companies run by women, for women, though I’m sure some men enjoy those movies as well. I have female friends of many different flavors (gay, straight, queer, hetero, poly) who enjoy pornography, just as I know a handful of men who don’t get anything from pornography at all. There are studies that have found that males tend to be more visually oriented than females, which is greatly why much of the pornography industry focuses their energy on the male populace.

The thing to keep in mind is a lot of the porn out there is pretty sexist and some of it you could argue is pretty degrading as well. Even the really good stuff, even the feminist porn, gets a bad rap from sex-negative people and/or people who don’t get it. Some people truly believe that all pornography is a bad thing, and many females, particularly in our country are told from early on that it is a bad thing. That’s frequently a lot to work through. Let’s face it, nine times out of ten sex is demonized while violence is celebrated in the media. For some people, it’s really just too much programming to push aside and get off on.

As far as stereotypes go, lots of women like “Romance Novels” which are really just emotional erotica tied up in a gaudy bow. Many of the same women who are anti-porn are pro “Romance Novels” and some women who are pro-porn think that romance novels are trashy. Go figure.

Here’s a suggestion- find out what your girlfriend’s issue with porn is. For some people, it simple. Frequent reasons include “It’s boring” “I don’t get it” “Not into that type of person” “It’s gross.” Well, there are as many flavors of porn as there are of candy. Find out why they don’t like it, and then find some that doesn’t have those qualities that you can watch together. There are well acted movies, movies with people of every shape, size, age and color, movies with different themes and plots, movies without plots, romantic porn and pretty much anything you can imagine.

If they’re just anti-porn in general and they don’t even want you to watch it, then you need to have the conversation that talks about the difference between fantasy/masturbatory tools and cheating. Some people are jealous enough in their relationships that they’d rather their partner not look at anyone else at all. My opinion on that is that they have bigger issues, but that’s not the point. Some people chose the DADT (Don’t Ask Don’t Tell) format for this sort of situation. Some people would rather not know that their partners watch porn but don’t mind as long as they don’t bring it up. You’re an adult and you should have the right to entertain yourself as you see fit, just don’t flaunt it if your partner isn’t comfortable.

A good place to meet other people who actually enjoy porn is at places like Self Serve and the Erotic Film Festival that they put on annually. Pornotopia is a wonderful group of people that get together to watch porn on the big screen. The festival is primarily run by females and we’re all there for the love of the erotic arts, and yes, we watch porn.

Regardless of whether or not you have to keep your porn viewing private or can turn into a group effort, ask away if you have any other questions.

Enjoy yourself,
Julian