By Cody Ritt

You ever wonder about Mario and Luigi? I mean, wonder, wonder? Two dudes with porn-star mustaches eating mushrooms, dressing up in furry costumes and getting really obsessed over plumbing? Sounds kinda fishy to me.

For all those of you who’ve spent time wondering if Mario was a top or a bottom, there’s Kingdom Cum, a platforming videogame featuring loads and loads of gay sex. Choose your character (Yuppie? Bear? Jock? Leather stud?), then get to jumping. Your goal is to run around the woods blowing or boning as many dudes as you can before time runs out. Instead of collecting coins, you collect condoms. (No glove, no love, brother!) You can’t say Kingdom Cum is particularly original, but if you’re into cartoony 16-bit reach-arounds, this dirty little game is a fine distraction.